Add nutmeg to your Terms of Service and whisk briefly

One of my contacts on Google+, York Zucchi, pointed me to his website terms and conditions on his site which I had to share. The terms (well, this is really a liability disclaimer, not a complete set of website terms and conditions) are somewhat simple and not appropriate for all uses but they are a fun read, nevertheless:

IMPORTANT INFORMATION/DISCLAIMER

This website may contain information that is unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem or no sense of humour (you need a great sense of humour to do business in Africa). Any dissemination, a distribution or copying of this website is not only authorised (either explicitly or implicitly) but actively encouraged though not including the source constitutes an irritating social faux pas. If you have landed on this site by mistake we would be curious what you were trying to find online. You are welcome to stick around and read it, even if we didn’t mean for you to visit it. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. We take no responsibility for non-enjoyment, either humorous or of informative means, of this website. In the event that you do get the humour herein contained then please note that we take no responsibility for that either. Nor will we accept any liability, tacit or implied, for any damage you may or may not incur as a result of reading, or not, as the case may be, from time to time, notwithstanding all liabilities implied or otherwise, ummm, shucks, where were we.., no matter what happens, IT’s NOT, and NEVER WILL BE, OUR FAULT except where we made silly promises that we should not have. No animals were harmed in the writing of this text, although the yorkshire terrier next door is living on borrowed time. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft: However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have read this whole paragraph in error, please add some nutmeg and eggs and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing.

Thanks for the link, York! I particularly like this line:

However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets

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